A Heavy Heart

Originally published in The Perkins Journal on July 11, 1985

By Zola Sample

While the heavy dark cloud of despair, sorrow and heartbreak covers most of the area covered by The Perkins Journal and Mannford Eagle, I hope this article will lend some comfort.

It will take time and the void will never be filled. The cares of loss will never be entirely erased.

Such tragedy so sudden has never happened to me, therefore it is hard to understand your grief entirely. But I finally over the years did get acquainted with death for my loved ones. I will try my best to explain how I tried to deal with my sorrow.

I had my daddy 41 years. Those years I had been traveling like a fast wheel down the road of happiness; some problems but not big or heartbreaking ones.
Death struck and not being prepared, I went under.

For two years I grieved the death. I finally had a nervous breakdown due to grieving, overwork, and not being able to eat properly. I had to change my lifestyle.

I went to doctor after doctor. They could find nothing wrong. Finally a Dr. Brown at Muskogee, who had just lost his doctor father, sat me down and gave me a lecture on how to deal with grief. It took time, but it helped.

As other members of my family passed await, I hung heavily on my Lord for help. I turned to getting interested in writing articles. It took my mind off myself. I became interested in others. I finally understood what Dr. Brown meant. I was sort of feeling sorry for myself.

When Mother began to fail and I knew I would eventually have to give her up, I wrote The House With a Jillion Memories. The year was 1957. I wrote her a letter every day for a period of time. It helped. They are published in the back of the book.

And folks told me they have read the book over several times. The librarian told me in 1976 that she had the book reprinted and rebound so they could have it a hundred years from now.

It did not only help others, but it has helped me to overcome many homesick and lonely times that I would grieve. For you never really get over losing your loved ones. We learn somehow to live a day at a time.

Life must got on. I agree, it is not easy. I suffered and grieved along with sister Milly for a year and a half when she had her voice box removed and could not talk.
This death almost floored me again.

Also my husband Deb, when I knew for months he was going. Somehow, someway, I hardly know how to explain to you, but I stayed right in there.
I lost him at Temple, Texas and had to come back to this big, empty house.

I know the Good Lord hung onto my hand. I made it and have lived alone for 19 years.

In my thoughts I will be with all my loved ones someday over yonder. You all take courage, do the best you can. We are all pulling for you, praying, remembering.
The dark clouds will gradually pass away.

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